


What He Doesn't Know

by shewasjustagirl



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, rhink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 00:25:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10842627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewasjustagirl/pseuds/shewasjustagirl
Summary: Thank you toMythicalseriesfor encouraging me to post this. Here goes nothing.Written for Tropetastic Tuesday #9: Mutual Pining





	What He Doesn't Know

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Mythicalseries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythicalseries/pseuds/Mythicalseries) for encouraging me to post this. Here goes nothing.
> 
> Written for Tropetastic Tuesday #9: Mutual Pining 
> 
>  

When my mom asked if I made any new friends on the first day of school, I said yes.

That's how all this began. A new kid, a new friend. 

I had no idea what I was in for. 

Some people have a detailed story about the moment they knew. But I don't remember falling for him. He's always been there. We were children, and then we were slightly older, married children, and now we claim to be grown men. 

Could I have said something, done something years ago? Possibly. But the thought, just the idea that he'd turn away, that he'd withdraw from me, was too much.

Much more than even the pain of loving someone from afar while sitting so close.

Because it is painful. Some days are worse than others, but every day, a piece of my heart walks around outside my body. It's often within reach, but I can't take it back. It's in the hands of someone who doesn't know, couldn't possibly know, how delicately it needs to be held. That piece of me, well, it's fragile.

And what's incredible, what's astounding, is that he's carried this piece of me for so long without dropping it. My heart, it's broken, but he's never let it be shattered.

Occasionally I make up my mind to fall out of love with him. At major moments in life, when everything else changes, I've commanded my heart to change with it. I tell myself I'll make it happen. We're going to college, and things will change. I'm getting married, and things will change. We're moving across the country, and things will change.

But the mind is an ineffective intermediary in matters of the heart. Its pleading, its bargaining, its promises of a new life of ease have fallen ignored against the swell in my chest. 

But the heart can't manage everything. It's busy, keeping me alive. As unrelenting as it's been, it keeps beating its mostly-steady rhythm. 

The heart has little control over outward appearances, thank God, sneaking only into my eyes and my fingertips and my all too loose tongue from time to time. Mostly, my mind shuts it down, moves my hands and shoulders and feet subtly away. 

My head says it's too late. We've known each other too long. We're too old. 

This last one is its newest refrain. You've made it this long, it says. 

Tell him now? What could I say? Words would be both insufficient and too revealing. This is no crush. I can't explain, not after all this time. Not when I want him to be there, next to me, forever. Not when I know that's something I can still have.

I need him to keep a tight, gentle grip on the piece of my heart he holds so expertly. An admission could shake it loose.

What he doesn't know can't hurt him. Or me.

_________________________

That first day of school, his smile calmed me, and it welcomed me, and it's never stopped. It can encourage and tease; it's alternatively full of pride and full of love. I've been lucky enough to see it up close. To see much of what it can do. To have it directed so often at me.

And as the decades pass, his smile has never lost its power over me. If anything, it's become unbearably brilliant. But it's been years since that smile was all mine. 

On his wedding day, when her father gave her to him, I gave him to her. I think they both knew I considered him mine. 

I reserved a piece of him for myself, though, and they let me. I've loved him as long as I've known him, after all. Maybe I've earned a small portion of his heart. It's only fair.

He's changed over the years, that's true. Everyone has noticed it lately, even him. He's grown tougher, sharper, more linear. Maybe the haircut did it. Maybe he grew stronger when all that hair was gone, like a reverse Samson.

But each change in him is a reminder that he could never change enough to keep me away. A reminder that I've yet to find a way to stop loving him. Not that I've really tried. 

And what he doesn't know is that, to me, through it all, he's just the same as he's always been. He's the six-year-old I met all those years ago. He's the teen with whom I spent all those lazy days in the North Carolina sun. He's my college roommate and my partner in crime and the man whose strength convinced me to pursue our dreams.

I shouldn't say he doesn't know. That's not true. I've worn my heart on my sleeve and all over my face. I'm sure he's known for years. And he's been kind, mostly. He'd have to be blind not to see it, and he's the glassesed one.

I was afraid, for a long time, that I couldn't be a friend to him like this. But we've made it work, together, like always. 

We stayed close. As close as any friends can be. Sometimes it's overwhelming, the proximity of him. I can't tower over him like everyone else, stretch into a different atmosphere, but there's room enough to breathe if I really try. 

And anyway, without him there is no air, no light. No matter what we are to anyone else, we're each half of a whole. A separate thing we created for ourselves and poured our souls into.

Sad? No, I'm not sad, not usually. I can get my hands on him if I need grounding. I can make him laugh, and the smile I love, the one that's never changed, will turn and cast its light on me.

I tell him I love him in a thousand ways every day, and for his part, he answers. We don't need words. After a lifetime, there's nothing to say.

**Author's Note:**

> Any kudos and comments are much appreciated! <3
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://clemwasjustagirl.tumblr.com/) if you're into that kind of thing.


End file.
